7 Things We All Realize in Life After We Let Go of Control

When you try to control too much, you enjoy too little.This morning I met up with an old friend, someone whom I care about deeply but have internally struggled with for years because I’ve always been worried about her health.I want to help her heal, because I feel I’m losing her.I want to teach her the time-tested tools for living a happier, simpler, healthier life that I’ve helped so many other people with — so she can give up her addictions, take up exercise and mindfulness, nurture her needs, and suddenly be transformed into a healthy person again.But that’s not reality.

I want to control something that frightens me, but I can’t do anything about it. Because I’m not in control of anyone but myself.

I want to help my friend, but she’s not interested in being helped. She has actually told me so a dozen times in the past.So today, I let go.Not “let go” as in “let her go.” I “let go” as in I stopped trying to control, stopped trying to change her, and instead took a deep breath and accepted her for exactly who she is.And guess what?

Who she is… is a blessing. Who she is… is something so ridiculously special and unique I have a hard time expressing it. She’s hilarious and passionate and compassionate and wise and wild and thoughtful and loyal… and did I mention wild?I let go, and accepted her whole truth, and only then could I actually enjoy all of her, instead of worrying about losing her or changing her ways.And this, I’ve learned, is the best way to be in all walks of life.We can stop trying to change and control people, and just let go and dissolve into their presence… just notice who they are, just appreciate every idiosyncratic quirk.