When children exhibit concerning behaviors, their goal isn’t to manipulate or seek attention. Those behaviors are communicating that they’re struggling to meet expectations.
Their frustration may erupt in screaming, hitting others, or destroying property. Harsh punishment typically follows.There is nothing effective or compassionate about punishing your child to transform a frustration response.
It is better to directly (and proactively) involve your child in solving the root problems that trigger their outbursts. This is the evidence-based approach called Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS), a non-punitive intervention to decrease conflict and enhance relationships.Follow the CPS model’s roadmap (abbreviated here) to uncover the roots of your child’s concerning behaviors and create lasting, positive change.Identify the skills that make it hard for your child to respond adaptively to problems and frustrations.
The mantra of the CPS model is: Kids do well if they can. If your child is responding maladaptively to a problem or frustration, it is because they’re struggling with important skills, such as flexibility/adaptability, frustration tolerance, problem-solving, and emotion regulation.Any expectation your child is having difficulty meeting, even if they can meet it sometimes and not others, is an unsolved problem.