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The Impossible Burden of Motherhood

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additudemag.com

The invisible load of motherhood isn’t so invisible when you study the data.In a recent survey of 2,263 ADDitude readers, mothers reported that they handle 15 percent more parenting responsibilities than do fathers – no matter their ADHD diagnosis, job, or marital status.

In other words, mothers with ADHD shoulder the same unequal division of labor as mothers without ADHD – but with the added burden on weak executive functioning and emotional regulation skills.While gender roles may be evolving, the gap in the division of household labor and childcare hasn’t narrowed.

Mothers still spend more time managing schedules, planning meals, organizing, and doing other household tasks. Needless to say, this lopsided burden of responsibilities takes a mental and emotional toll on neurodivergent women in particular.“We all have ADHD, but I’m alone at the helm,” wrote one married, 45-year-old mother of two who works full-time and reports fulfilling 90 percent of the daily parenting duties, “They are all passengers, even though I’m just as impaired as they are.

It’s profoundly unfair. I have the same condition as my kids and spouse, and I fail at supporting everyone. It’s devastating.”According to the survey, 76 percent of women with ADHD said they experience guilt related to parenting and ADHD; only half of men said the same.

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