“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” – Jerry Seinfeld“I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.” – Henry Youngman“Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas.” – Stephen Graham Jones“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” – Kin Hubbard“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree.
In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘Toys not included.'” – Bernard Manning“Christmas, here again.
Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.” – Wendy Cope“Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear.” – Matt Bellassai“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” – Johnny Carson“Santa Claus has the right idea.
Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” – Don Marquis“I love Christmas.